I posted on 5/20 about the death of my mom from ovarian cancer. It has been 14 years now and her death is still a huge void in my life. I have dealt with the grief, but the love for my mom has never died.
It also amazes me the ways that bring my mom to the forefront of my mind. A cardinal, a pink rose, talking to my dad...but today it was a song. My dh and I were at church and we sang a hym that I love called "Be Not Afraid" was sung. Well, for whatever reason, it brought back a HUGE wave of emotions/memories from mom's funeral. I remember being at the funeral home the morning of mom's funeral and saying what I thought was my final good-bye. Then on to the funeral. It was just my dad and my siblings in the funeral home limo. Our spouses were in other cars with our kids.
We arrived at the Church and the funeral began. One thing I HATE about Catholic funerals is the incense that is held over the casket when it first enters the church...it is a hideous smell. Then I remember being strong for my kids at the service...especially for my little DD who was 6 at the time. You see, Grandma was her buddy...they had a special bond and Sarah was struggling...so she couldn't see mom struggling as well. Then came the time when my older brother and I spoke about mom from the pulpit. I did it without any tears and felt honored to be able to speak about mom!
Then came the hard part...the cemetary. Prayers were said and we all put a pink rose on mom's casket. Then people came to console us. Well, this is the part that got me that day...everyone left the cemetary to go back to church for the luncheon. My immediate family, kids, and spouses, were the last ones at the cemetary. It was INCREDIBLY difficult for me to leave the cemetary. I felt it was the end and I just didn't want to go there. Finally, my dad said, "Laurie, we need to go." I told dad that I just couldn't do it. He put his arm around my shoulder and we walked away. That is when I lost it! I sobbed like I had never sobbed before.
As I said earlier...a song at church today brought back a wave of emotions. I found myself crying, holding DH's hand, and remembering MOM!!! You see, mom chose the music for her funeral...and this was one of them! Here are the words to this hymn and a link to the midi file.
I think it's appropriate not only in death, but life...especially tough times!
Be Not Afraid (click for the midi file)
written by Bob Dufford, S.J., a Catholic Hymn
You shall cross the barren desert,but you shall not die of thirst.
You shall wander far in safety,though you do not know the way.
You shall speak your words in foreign lands,and all will understand,
You shall see the face of God and live.
Be not afraid, I go before you always,Come follow Me,and I shall give you rest.
If you pass through raging waters in the sea, you shall not drown.
If you walk amidst the burning flames,you shall not be harmed.
If you stand before the pow'r of hell and death is at your side,
know that I am with you, through it all.
Be not afraid, I go before you always,Come follow Me,and I shall give you rest.
Blessed are your poor,for the Kingdom shall be theirs.
Blest are you that weep and mourn,for one day you shall laugh.
And if wicked men insult and hate you, all because of Me,
blessed, blessed are you!
Be not afraid, I go before you always,Come follow Me,and I shall give you rest.
I love you mom!
Sunday, June 25, 2006
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8 comments:
It's been almost a year since I lost my Mom and most days I'm okay with that as she'd been ready to go for several years. But then like you said, "Sometimes it just HITS ya...". And I suspect it will be that way for many years. HUGS to you!
Oh, Laurie . . I wish I could give you a hug. I've never lost anyone really close so I don't even know what to say! I'm thinking of you and I know you have so many great memories of your mom, and it's nice to have those little reminders of her when you see the pink rose and the cardinal, I hate it when you're sad!!
Judy
What a lovely tribute to your mom, Laurie. Making me puddle up just reading it.
Laurie, thank you for sharing. Dealing with my father's death 2 years ago and my mother lives in a nursing facility in very poor health...it always gives me strength when others share from their own experiences. I love my mother so much, I can't imagine my life without her, even if she is not the mother she was a few years ago.
Hugs for you !
My Mom picked out some of the songs for her funeral too - including a rousing rendition of Oh When The Saints Go Marching In. That song usually makes me smile, but like you said - sometimes it hits you in a sad way too.
Hugs to you.
Evelyn
Your post really made me tear up. My Mom was diagnosed with ovarian cancer last Thursday. We are hoping that she can beat it. She starts chemo in 2 weeks. I am really scared and have been dealing with it by trying not to think about it. Even though it hasn't been a whole week yet I have already realized how different my life would be without her. I think of things I want to call her about and then realize that I can't bother her with any of my problems right now.
What a wonderful memorial post about your Mom. It is always hard to lose a loved one - especially a Mother - but thankfully no one can take away the memories. My Mom died 40 plus years ago and not a day goes by that I don't think of her - wishing I could share my quilting, my blogging, my thoughts. I just know she would smile and encourage and enjoy. I hope that your memories not only bring tears, but also bring smiles and heartwarming thoughts.
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